I haven't worked full time in almost five years. Wow--that's a long time when I think about it! I've done some very, very part time things in the past five years, but last week, I went back to work. I am teaching the GED preparation class for three hours in the mornings at our local adult school. It's only part time, but this position requires me to have a sitter for the girls this summer. In the fall, when I teach the class, Jenna will be in preschool and Abby will be with a regular sitter.
Going back to work has stirred up a whole range of emotions for me. On one hand, being able to contribute to the family finances and have some time in the professional world is appealing to me. But on the other hand, I absolutely hate the idea of Abby (especially) having to be with a sitter while I work. I feel guilty for not being with them all day and going off to work. But me working is in the best interest of our family at this point. The last week has been okay. Work has been fine and our new schedule seems to be working for us.
But today was hard. When I picked the girls up from the babysitter's house, Jenna broke down and cried. First she cried about the vaccination shots she'll have to get in January. Then she cried about the fact that I still make her sit in the car seat with a five point harness as opposed to the booter seats with the regular seat belt. But then she said," Mommy, I don't want you to go to work. I like being at home with you better. Why can't I be with you?"
heartbreak & guilt . . .
1 comment:
Okay, weigh your options. It sucks to have to work. I know. I have to work. I would be nice to say that I'm choosing to work but that is not the case. I have to work. Even if I didn't have to I think I would... at least a little. Never-the-less, I am very fortunate to have some family near by to help out with the childcare situation a little bit. My kids scream and cry when I pick them up because they would rather stay than to come home with me. I'm not as fun because I can't drop everything to play all day. I occasionally have to do some laundry, dishes, toilet cleaning or some other chore that isn't fun. And I also, on occasion, make them help. So that makes me "NO FUN". It makes you feel all warm and fuzzy when your daughter screams that she loves Nana more than you and that she wants to live there forever. It also helps that Nana has a pool. What can you do? You just have to make the most of the moments you have. I also relish the notion that someday I will be the Nana.
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