Living in the Fishbowl

Thank you to all of you who commented on the post about pastor's wives. I learned that I am not the only one interested in this, and I wonder if maybe there's a need for more communication between pastor's wives and church workers in general about life in the fishbowl. One comment from Megan said she gets to talk about her frustrations with other pastor's wives in the area. I don't have many of those. We don't live in Lutheran land or even Christian land. Only 5% of our community here in the Bay Area even knows of Jesus Christ as their savior. So, these conversations are definitely good for me.

So here are a few more things to discuss. And feel free to ask your own questions. There are probably other issues out there that I am not hitting on.

Finances--It's sometimes hard for me that everyone in our congregation has the opportunity to know how much we make (if they happen to be at the voters' meeting). I've had someone offer to pay for our dinner while we were out with them "because they know how much we make." (It's one thing to do it and another to say it!) Most people our age out here don't own a home because it is crazy expensive. It's almost impossible unless you make a ton of money. We are able to own our home because the church recognized the fact that if they don't help with housing, they would have a hard time getting any pastor to stay here. We are blessed to be in the house that we are, but I often feel weird about it. I guess I feel a little strange that we have a house and so many of our friends and church members are dealing with the crazy cost of both real estate and rent. That is my own issue though.

Tithing. I fully believe that God wants us to put Him before everything else. He wants us to trust him and he wants to take care of us. I am a big believer in tithing--not only because we've seen the blessings that come from it, but most importantly because God tells us to do it and through our giving, others know Christ. But finances are often an issue for all kinds of church workers. We come out of Concordia with more debt than we make in an entire year--and that's usually only school debt. Let's face it, we did not get into this profession to make money, and falling into the debt trap is so easy to do.

My question is--is it okay for a church worker's family not to tithe? That's a hard question to answer, but all I know is that I'm not sure Nate could preach a sermon on tithing, tell his church members to obey God in that area, and not be doing it himself.

Have at it!

Seriously . . .

I was watching the news today and learned that Barack Obama raised 50 million dollars in a month lately and Hillary Clinton raised 35 million in one month. Why can't people donate that kind of money to get rid of poverty, bring clean water to third world countries, or help get rid of the AIDS crisis? Seriously . . .

A discussion on pastor's wives

Nate has a vicar this year. I know that stuns some of you because he hasn't been out of seminary long himself, but the seminary approved his request and we are so thankful that they did. Chris and Cheryl have been wonderful and we will surely miss them when they are gone!

Nate had some really great mentors who have helped shape him into the pastor he is today. Namely, his father, Pastor Al, and Pastor Mike. But with a vicar, Nate has found himself in the position of being a mentor himself. And so have I.

It is actually pretty funny to me that I could be a mentor to our vicar's wife, because I've only been a pastor's wife for about 3 years now. What do I have to offer? What credibility do I have to back me up? Our vicar's wife is actually older than me, and that makes me feel even more uncomfortable!

So all of this has made me think about the role of pastor's wives. I have no idea who reads this blog, but I know that some of you are pastor's wives. Whether you fit into that category or not, your feedback on this post would be just as helpful. It would be fun to hear from all kinds of people on this subject.

What do you think about the following topics?

Should pastor's wives have friends in the church or is it not a smart idea to get too close to anyone?

Is it important for pastor's wives to be visible at church services and other activities?

Should pastor's wives always look nice or have a clean house just in case someone from the church comes over?

How should pastor's wives handle people who talk negatively about their husbands?

Because we are married to pastors, we sometimes have privileged information that other people will do anything to get out of us. What is the best way to handle this?

Should pastor's wives feel the stress to have well-behaved children?

How do pastor's wives handle the fact that their husbands have extremely busy schedules?

Discuss! (Hopefully)

Insanity

Insanity is doing or thinking the same thing over and over and over again, expecting to get a different result.

Instructions from Jenna

"Mommy . . . when I grow up and become a rock star, you are going to have to buy me a bigger guitar and a real microphone that works. Oh, and please find a guitar that has both pink and purple on it. Then I can be a rock star."

Some Things Never Change

When Jenna was a baby, her little arm would always find my neck or face when she was sleeping next to me. It was so sweet--kind of like she just needed to know I was beside her. When Abby was born, I was suprised to find that she does the same thing. That simple touch from a sleeping baby is so sweet.

Our kids don't sleep in our bed. We have never allowed it simply because I could never sleep with a moving child. Abby is almost two and has been a good sleeper for a long time, so we don't have those moments of her sleeping in my arms anymore.

Last night, she woke up coughing. Abby is a drama queen when it comes to coughing. If she has the slightest bit of ickiness in her throat, she'll cough like she's deathly ill. I usually let her cough in her room because holding her or giving her medicine hasn't worked. But we have a houseguest and Abby's room is right next to hers. So, when the crazy coughing began last night, I took Abby downstairs on the couch.

She laid next to me all night with her little hand pressed to my cheek or neck. Every once in a while, I'd catch one of her eyes open, peeking to see if I was still there. And even though I slept very little, I enjoyed every minute of having that little hand plastered to me reminding me of those precious baby moments that are most likely over for us.

Dixie Chicks

Yesterday while I was driving in the car to meet a friend for lunch, I heard a Dixie Chicks song. And for the first time in many years, I heard another Dixie Chicks song on the way home, which makes two Dixie Chicks songs in one day!

You may be asking why this is a big deal to me.

Ever since Natalie Maines made a comment about being embarrassed that George Bush was from Texas, many county music radio stations have all but erased them from their playlists. I remember living in both Missouri and Texas--both areas where county is quite popular--and hearing DJs say that they will never play the Dixie Chicks again because of the "unpatriotic" comment that they made. Keep in mind, this was during the beginning of the war on terror and it wasn't cool (like it is now) to publically be negative about President Bush. So, country music fans all across the country (who tend to be, or used to be supporters of our current president) called for people to stop listening to the Dixie Chicks. Even years later, when they released a new album (which was outstanding) they couldn't get people to come to their concerts. People were still holding that comment against them.

I have always had a problem with those people who were so critical of Natalie Maines. First of all--the Dixie Chicks were HUGELY successful. They have real talent. Who doesn't love "Cowboy Take Me Away" or "Sin Wagon" or "Goodbye Earl?" They are a perfect mix of country, rock, and bluegrass. They appealed to so many people. But with one comment, their fans denounced them and turned their backs on them.

Granted, I realize that celebrities can't just say nasty things without consequences, but to completely write them off and ignore the great music that they produce is a shame.

I used to hear a Dixie Chicks song every time I got in the car. Now, I get excited when I hear one! Let alone two in one day. Maybe that happened because I live on the left coast. The people here probably love the Dixie Chicks for insulting President Bush.

But I still love the Dixie Chicks and value them for what they are--musicians. Not for their opinions.

Conversations in the car are the best

After I pick Jenna up from preschool in the afternoon, she is usually tired and chatty. Those two things make for some interesting conversations in the car. Today it went like this:

Jenna: Mommy, when do you think God is going to give me a baby to take care of?
Me: Not for a very,very, very long time.
Jenna: Well, we better start collecting toys now for my baby. I really hope that God gives me a girl baby.
Me: Oh really? What would you name her?
Jenna: Brietta (after the horse on Barbie the Magic Pegasus)
Me: What if you had a boy?
Jenna: I don't think God will give me a boy baby. But I better pray right now to tell God that I want a girl baby. (She bows her head and quietly mutters a prayer to God--which is hilarious)
Jenna: When I go to preschool and I have my girl baby, you can hold her, okay Mommy?
Me: Okay.
Jenna: I'm going to be the teacher. No, I think I'm going to be a rock 'n roll star and play my guitar, but maybe I shouldn't because I might get a blister. So, I think I'll be a teacher.
Me: You would be great at either Jenna.
Jenna: Yeah, Daddy can teach me guitar and you can show me how to be a teacher.

Funny how they want to be exactly like their parents! Girl babies, guitar players, and teachers. Interesting.

4:50 AM is way too early to be up

Seriously. I've been up since 4:50AM, not because I set my alarm to wake up at this time or because I had a sudden case of insomnia. No. I woke up to a 4 year old redhead about two inches from my face asking me if we could go downstairs and play Pretty Pretty Princess. I tried to tell her that we are only allowed to wake up when the sun is out, but all I saw were two big blue eyes staring at me for another half hour while I pretended to be asleep, hoping she would follow suit.

Needless to say, it's 6:50AM and I've been up for about two hours now.

Seriously.

A Little Bit Obsessed

No one will really talk politics with me (except my friend Lindsay) so I have to write a post about this because it is all just so exciting!

I love the presidential race. I love watching Fox News or CNN and finding out about all the new happenings with the candidates--because something new happens everyday, whether it's mudslinging, polls going up or down, or someone dropping out of the race. Primary days are especially exciting to me, and I love the fact that we live on the left coast, oh sorry, west coast so that we can see the results at dinner time and not have to wait until late at night. So you can imagine how much I'm looking foward to Super Tuesday next week. I have already voted. In California, they're advertising this permanant voting by mail thing, and both Nate and I are doing that. It's just so much easier.

I really don't know who I am going to vote for in November. In CA, we can only vote within our party for the primary, but oddly enough I REALLY like two candidates and they are in separate parties.

Voting is such a privilege and holds such power in our country. With so many important issues facing us both internationally and domestically, I take the process seriously and try my best to learn about each candidate and pick the one that I believe is best for our country.

You may not be as obsessed as I am, but if you have the debate TiVoed for tonight like I do, you might be joining in my obsession!

A rough morning in the nursery

I just finished my monthly nursery duty at church and I need a glass of wine.

If you know me, you know that I would much prefer a room of 7th graders as opposed to a room full of children aged 4 and under. But, I have grown in my little kid skills. Maybe having two of my own has something to do with it, but I still believe that taking care of your own kids is way different than taking care of someone else's--especially 17 of them. Yes, I said 17. We had 17 kids in the nursery today, and that's a lot for our church.

My good friend, Michelle, was helping me today which was so wonderful because she is a preschool teacher and knows exactly what to do in all little kid situations. The morning went pretty well for the first three quarters of the service. And of course, all at the same time, all the little kids wanted to be held because they were tired. One was screaming his head off trying to get out of the nursery and another was hungry and wouldn't take his bottle. We had pinching and crying and sharing issues--all in a span of about fifteen minutes, and it was crazy.

After everyone was taken care of, things calmed down and all was well again, but I am worn out and in need of a glass of wine.

Disclaimer---I am not complaining about the nursery here. I love the fact that I can go to Bible study or worship in somewhat peace while Abby is in the nursery. Laurie, our children's ministry director who runs the nursery, is a saint and handles all of the hard situations (with kids and adults) with ease and professionalism. Because I am grateful for the nursery, I am more than willing to take my turn in there as a parent. I just know that my gifts are with older kids and I get easily stressed out with a room full of little kids. Hence the degree in secondary education and not elementary or early childhood!

Update on the diaper situation

Abby got out of the tape . . . :) Such a little stinker.

Maybe I should consider potty training at this early age.

Duct Tape and Diapers

I finally did it. I taped Abby's diapers with duct tape so that she can't get out of them.

She's so fast and often gets out of her clothes and diapers when I'm not looking. Then all of the sudden, here comes Abby with half of her clothes on. The clothes being off aren't a huge deal to me, although I really hate searching for and putting on shoes and socks every single time we get out of the car. It's the diaper that's the issue for me. Until last night, she has never left a present on the floor or in her crib due to the lack of diaper. Notice I said, "until last night?"

We put her to bed, turned the monitor on, and seriously didn't hear a peep from her. Usually, we can hear her rustling around and we can hear the rip of the diaper tabs coming off. But we heard nothing last night. Maybe we didn't have the monitor volume up enough or maybe she was just being super sneaky and quiet.

Right before bed, Nate went in to look at her and immediately came to get me. He told me to come and look at Abby and bring the camera. She was all sprawled out in her crib looking like a sleeping snow angel. She had a fleece blanket sleeper on with a zipper that goes from the neck to the the foot. She had the zipper all the way down, one leg out, and her diaper completely off. It really was a hilarious sight, but for the first time, we had to clean up a mess in the crib:)

Now, I can't post the picture because she's almost naked and I'm not sure how appropriate that is to post on the Internet, so I'll err on the side of caution.

I've had lots of people tell me that I should duct tape her diapers and I never have. I didn't really think that I would have to go there, but I did it today. She keeps me busy enough during the day, that I think I deserve a few hours of not having to worry if Abby is taking her diaper off and leaving me a mess in her crib.

I haven't checked on her yet this aftrnoon, so I'll let you all know if she found a way out of the duct tape diapers. I wouldn't be surprised if she does, but we'll see!

"I yuh you Mommy. I arry."

And the adventure of our little Abby continues . . .

First, I must explain the outfit in the picture above. I dressed Abby in her purple sweat suit for Jenna's birthday party on Saturday, but Abby had her own idea of what she should wear that day. She was insistent on wearing the pink frilly princess pajamas we bought for her the day before . . . and not under the outfit, but over. So, Abby attended the party (which was at our house) with the lovely outfit you see above.

But the real adventure was this afternoon. I put her in her crib for her nap, fully expecting her to fall asleep within 10 minutes or so. She's always been a great sleeper and has no problem falling asleep easily. About an hour after I put her down for her nap, I went back upstairs to grab something and heard her rustling around. I walked in to see absolutely everything thrown out of her crib and a naked, bare bottom sticking up in the air. She was half naked--no diaper on, pants off, socks off, and onesie undone.

You can imagine the problem that might occur with no diaper on a child who isn't potty trained. I was irritated, while trying not to laugh at the same time, and laid her on the changing table to put her diaper back on. I sternly said, "Abby, taking your diaper off is naughty. It does not make me happy when you throw everything out of your crib and take your diaper off."

I could tell that she knew I wasn't happy and that she was in trouble. She looked up at me with those big blue eyes and grabbed my hand. She put my arm in the crook of her neck and snuggled into it. Looking at me she said, "I yuh you Mommy. I arry. I arry Mommy. I yuh you." (translated means, I love you Mommy, I'm sorry. ) She hugged my arm as hard as she could and blew kisses my way.

How smart is she? She knows how to melt my heart and get out of trouble! Or at least try to get out of trouble.

So sweet, yet such a little manipulator. And she's not even two!

Welcome Baby Jeremy!

We have a new nephew! Jeremy Wade Hartke, son of Matt (brother #3) and Misty Hartke. Everyone is doing fine, and we wish them smooth sailing as they venture home with little Jeremy. This makes grandchild #6 in the Hartke clan for a grand total of 21 in Nate's immediate family!

Happy Birthday Jenna!

Today is Jenna's fourth birthday! We had a birthday lunch at McDonalds with Grandma, Daddy, Julie, Brittany, Alison, and Darren! She then went to the movie theater with Daddy and Grandma to see the new Veggie Tales movie.

This morning, right after she woke up, I said, "Happy birthday Jenna! You are four!" She immediately burst into tears and said that she was upset because she wasn' any bigger than she was yesterday. She wanted to be "big like Daddy" and she thought that when you turn four, you would be bigger and wouldn't be wearing 4T clothes anymore. She said, "Look, Mommy! My clothes are still 4T and I should be wearing a 8 since I am not three anymore."

Whether this makes sense to you or not, I had to try to find some rationality amidst the irrationality. I calmly pointed out that the Hello Kitty shoes we just bought for her were a size bigger than before, so that must mean that she is getting bigger!"

It worked, and the craziness stopped.

Happy birthday to my sweet Jenna:)

Some of my favorite things

1. Beringer's Chenin Blanc white wine . . . I really want to like red wine because people who drink red wine are like people who drink coffee. They're all in this cool club and I feel left out. (I drink hot chocolate at Starbucks) But, I like white wine, and I have fallen in love with the Chenin Blanc.

2. Chocolate Neccos . . . most people don't know what these are, and if they do, they are only aware of the multi-colored Neccos. I only like the chocolate ones. I have found one place around here that sells them--Long's Drugs. Yeah for Long's Drugs.

3. The TV show, "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" . . . I never watched it when it was on during primetime, but Nate started to record it, and we are addicted. It really is hilarious. I love Wayne Brady. That guy can do anything. They always have a guest performer and my favorite is Chip. I love when he is the girl on "Let's Make a Date."

4. The Dirt Devil Broom Vac . . . Yes, another corded item that I am excited about. It's actually an electric vacuum. So when Abby and Jenna dumped half of the animal crackers on the floor the other day and proceeded to walk all over them, I could vacuum up the crumbs in no time!

5. The fact that Abby hasn't figured out how to climb out of her crib yet. I know it's coming though. I've caught her trying a few times. Although, these days, she's too busy trying to get all of her clothes off in her crib before I come to get her. For Abby, being naked is way more important than escaping from her crib. Soon, it'll be both.

Semantics of a four year old

I love to listen to the girls try to figure out the English language. It really is amazing how fast little ones learn and how their little brains put meaning and words together. I love when Jenna busts out with phrases that don't totally make sense to me, but I can see how they would make sense to her four year old brain still learning the ins and outs of language.

We took the girls for swimming lessons yesterday for the first time. Jenna has a fear of big swimming pools and hasn't made it off the steps of any pool in a few years. (Hence the swimming lessons.) Knowing that she was going to a big pool for lessons caused some anxiety for her and the day before, she said, "Mommy, could you please sign me out of swimming lessons?"

I had to think a minute. Then it dawned on me. She was replacing "up" for "out." I had been telling her that I signed her "up" for lessons and she thought it would be a good idea for me to sign her "out!"

I didn't, by the way. And although she still didn't venture past the steps, she was willing to try and says she will let her teacher take her on the kickboard next week. We'll see . . . .

We were playing Memory today, and Jenna beat the pants off me. She doesn't quite get how you win in Memory, and she stacked her pile of cards next to mine (which were much smaller) and said, "Look Mommy! We roped in Memory!" Hmmm . . . another thought provoking phrase. She replaced "tied" which is the common word for that phrase with "roped."

I apologize if this isn't amusing to those of you reading this. As Jenna's Mommy and a teacher and lover of the English language, I get a kick out of stuff like this:)

Just Because They're Cute

A Fashion Guru

For so long, Jenna took no interest in picking out her own clothes. That changes a few months ago, and now we often have days where she picks out the craziest outfits. I thought I'd share because today is one of those days.

Let's start with the hair. She requested pony tails today so that she could choose her own hair accessories. She always wants a bunch of clips in her hair and I have to limit it to a certain number or she would have one of every color! I think she has four in today . . . and if you look closely they all match. I know what you are thinking--the green one really doesn't match, but it does! It matches the green heart on her tights!

Next are the shirts. She LOVES the yellow tank top, and of course, it's too cold to wear it by itself. I thought she's just put it away for summer, but no. She used her problem solving skills and came up with the idea of wearing a shirt underneath it.

The skirt is fine. It's one we've had for a long time that just now fits. Nevertheless, she has to wear skirts these days. Nothing else will do.

The tights. Why do I allow those in our house? The just create crazy outfits like this that I cannot fight.

The shoes. She got these for Christmas and wears them with everything. She even sleeps with them in her bed.

So there you have it. A typical Jenna outfit that is so her. Thankfully, we are not going anywhere today! If we were, all the mothers with four year olds would smile at me and know that Jenna picked out her clothes today:)