We've had a really busy few weeks and I had about 45 minutes today when both girls were sleeping and I could vege out and watch TV. I found myself watching this show on the Discovery Channel about this family who has 16 kids. It was pretty intriguing--a trip to the grocery store costs $700 and they have bus to transport the family around. They are a Christian family who sees each child as a blessing from God! It got me thinking about the number of children we might have. And, of course, that is a popular topic these days.
Nate is the oldest of 8 children, and I have a twin brother. We get the question all the time . . . "So, do want 8 children like Nate's mom too?" (And for the record, she really wanted 19). The other question I get is if we want to try to have a boy due to the fact that we have two daughters. I never really know how to answer that question because I don't really know how I feel yet.
Nate and I are leaning more towards the idea of being done having children, but even writing that makes me a little bit sad. Neither of us feel the need to have another baby for the sole reason of having a boy. We're perfectly content with our two princesses. The big thing for us is that we want to be able to financially provide for Jenna and Abby. If they want to be dancers or chess champions, we want to be able to give them those opportunities and not let money hold us back. We want them to go to college and go on family adventures and someday help with weddings:) I guess in a nutshell, we don't want to have more children than we can afford.
On the other hand, I'm not sure our family really is complete yet. I don't know when I'll know that because Abby is so young, but thinking about not having more babies around is sad. Our children are such a blessing to us and we know that God has given us a special gift in them. And even if we had ten more children, I know that God would take care of us (we made it through seminary!) and bless our family.
So, am I not trusting God enough, being selfish, or being practical?
I don't know who really reads this, but I'd be interested to hear about how others feel about this subject.
2 comments:
Alright my love, you know that I have to chime in! You will know when you know. I know that you weren't around for my heartache and yearning for children, but it was pretty awful. I don't know that I have ever seen or heard of anyone more desperate. With each miscarriage and each new diagnosis, I was closer to believing that God did not have children in store for me. After Shelby was born, people immediately started asking when we were going to try for another. At the time I said that I felt selfish asking God for more since he had blessed us with such a miracle. I also said that I would keep having babies until God said that I should stop. When Seth arrived, I felt a very clear message that I should stop. My kids are a joy. I love them dearly. They are also leaches who suck my energy and our bank account dry. I still have moments when I am sad at the thought of no more babies. I loved being pregnant. I loved feeling life inside of me. I loved giving birth. I loved holding my tiny babies. Now I look forward to trips to Disney World and school supply shopping. I like that we can all fit in a car and that we don't need a bus. I like that a month's worth of groceries for our family is about $500 and that I am not spending that weekly. I like that I can buy Nike shoes (even though we usually by Payless). But I can choose to buy Nike's if I want. If I had 16 kids, that would not be an option. I like that a rough day can be calmed by a glass of red after the kids go to bed and I am thankful that they are in beds in their own rooms. Maybe I have turned into the typical Kingwood mom, but I know that God wired me up for a small family. I know that I know that I know. You will know when you know. I love you.
After reading my post again and Tamara's comment, I realized that it looks like I want 16 kids.
Nope.
I'm really thinking of one more. Just had to clarify that:)
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